7 Sample Blogs for DailyHumiliation.com: People who Fall and Get Back Up
MONDAY
Kevin Sessums was a six figure Vanity Fair columnist, chumming it up with Heath Ledger, Courtney Love, David Geffen, and Diane von Furstenberg. Then he fell out with Editor Tina Brown and lost his job, resulting in “a long descent into substance abuse, followed by unemployment and a time on food stamps.”
Humiliation Inspiration: “If you are at a place like Vanity Fair, you become identified with it,” he said. Afterward, “you are sort of heartbroken and you have to find an identity that is not based on a job.”
My take: I know what it’s like to use a job, or a profession, as an identity. When I came out to California after graduating from Duke Law, I noticed that I wasn’t able to talk to a woman for more than two and a half minutes before mentioning Duke. 10 years later, I ditched conferences with opposing counsel for ringing suburban doorbells and conferring with birthday party moms who dispatched me to their basements to entertain juvenile guests with my guitar. “This way please,” as one escorted me away from the adult guests. “Bathroom? Yes, there’s one downstairs near the laundry room.” - RM
Did you ever build an identity on a job?
Link to article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/10/fashion/former-vanity-fair-celebrity-journalist-looks-for-a-comeback.html?hp&action=click&pg&version=HpSumSmallMediaHigh&module=second-column-region®ion=top-news&WT.nav=top-news&_r=0
TUESDAY
“How does it feel to be America’s premier blow job queen?”
Monica Lewinsky was asked this question in the middle of 2001 taping for an HBO documentary. In a recent Vanity Fair article, Monica Lewinsky talks about her many humiliations after her affair with President Clinton.
Dirty Lowdown: “If you haven’t figured out who you are, it’s hard not to accept the horrible image of you created by others.”
My take: Minds are attack machines. And anyone who is a stranger to manipulation probably hasn’t spent much time on the planet. Chances are someone has recently called you out, probably someone close, like mom, dad, wife, husband, son, or daughter. So you don’t have to be Monica Lewinsky to know what it’s like to be maligned. Often people just have to blow off steam, and they may not be steeped in Marshall Rosenberg’s method of Nonviolent Communication. So yes, it’s important to figure out who you are so you can slough off what isn’t true, and perhaps find the strength to ‘fess up to what is, and deal with it. The lie about me that I don’t believe anymore is that “I’m not a good person.” Got a lot to learn? Sure. But I know my center, and my view counts too. - RM
What lie about you don’t you believe anymore?
Link to article:
http://www.vanityfair.com/society/2014/06/monica-lewinsky-humiliation-culture
WEDNESDAY
A young woman named Sandra Allen passed out at a music festival, seemingly drunk, humiliating herself in front of her boyfriend, and her family, who accused her of being an alcoholic. Later she found out that she had been “roofied,” drugged by a stranger with Flunitrazepam, also known as the date-rape drug.
Dirty Lowdown: “There are things I would do differently. I would have gone to the hospital . . . . I would have called the (police) and filed a police report. And maybe I would have gotten bold enough to tell my family how much worse they made a terrible event.
My take: What this comes down to is that Sandra would be more honest about what happened to her. Instead of hiding out, she would seek help from medical professionals and the police. But her last regret is the one that sticks with me. She’d level with her family about the judgments they expressed after the incident. Not to punish or humiliate them, but in the interests of intimacy, let them know how she felt. I know that recently, in my marriage, this kind of courage has made a difference. I used to smooth things over so as not to get punished for rocking the boat. But now I’m more likely to tell it like it is – again, not to shame, but to breach a gap.
Have you recently told someone what you really think about something (s)he did? How did it go?
Link to article:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/sandraeallen/i-was-drugged-by-a-stranger
THURSDAY
Kat Kinsmen is a managing editor at CNN. She says, “I can board a plane to vacation solo in a strange city, hold forth on live TV at a moment's notice or speak onstage in front of a crowd of hundreds without many mussed feathers. The notion of leaving the house to get half-and-half for coffee flings me dead into the eye of a panic attack.” Kat misses parties, disappoints friends, and often cannot even summon the courage to explain, because of a condition called “Generalized Anxiety Disorder.”
Dirty Lowdown: “I'm trying to let myself enjoy small pleasures, rather than brace myself for when they might be taken away.”
My take: If my heart is open, almost anything is enjoyable. Recently I went with my wife and daughter to a Renaissance Faire, and when I saw that it was mostly a huge shopping mall of Shakespeare shirts and Rumpelstiltskin shoes, I thought I was in for a dull afternoon. But my wife took interest in a harp player who was performing for 2 or 3 people, and selling her CD’s. I decided to follow and give attention to this woman’s music. As I marveled at Denise’s ability to appreciate people who, in the words of Joni Mitchell, had “never been on (her) TV,” my heart opened, and the harp music touched me deeply. Later that day, I noticed that anything I watched while holding my 11 year old daughter pleased me, even the simplest of entertainments. Appreciating my wife and holding my daughter are catalysts to opening my heart. - RM
What are the catalysts to opening your heart?
Link to article:
http://www.cnn.com/2014/01/08/living/anxiety-coping/
FRIDAY
David Gordon, a novelist, writes that he was “shocked and saddened” when his ex-wife unfriended him on Facebook. “She was angry over my last novel,” he reports in the Opinion pages of the New York Times, “though to my mind, the resemblances to her and me were superficial.” But, to write, Gordon says “is to risk ridicule and shame.”
Dirty Lowdown: “. . . there is a need to generate emotional risk, a sense of imminence, of danger, in order to transmit . . . aliveness to the page.”
My take: A great white shark must move forward to breathe, and figuratively speaking, that goes for me too. I need to continually push my comfort zone and do what calls to me but frightens me. This blog is one of those calls. I chose the domain name “daily humiliation.” I’ve made a commitment to issue these entries daily. Just thinking about such an obligation makes me hold my breath. With a daily blog, every entry threatens humiliation if I fail to use my Prometheus breath to blow it alive. – RM
How have you pushed your comfort zone lately?
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/08/11/writing-is-a-risky-humiliating-endeavor/
SATURDAY
Medical doctor Sandeep Jauhar needed more money to support his family, so he accepted speaking fees from a pharmaceutical company that manufactured a heart medication. Even after the Journal of the American Medical Association expressed safety concerns over the drug, Dr. Jauhar continued to endorse it for months. This humiliating confession and others are in Dr. Jauhar’s new memoir, “Doctored,” reviewed recently in the New York Times.
Dirty Lowdown: Jauhar’s new memoir, “Doctored” appears to be his atonement. In it, he shows why American medicine is in crisis: It can be 10 times more profitable for a doctor to order an unnecessary test than spend 20 or 30 minutes with a patient. Plus, doctors are practicing defensive medicine to guard against malpractice liability. All of this is undermining the doctor-patient relationship.
My take: I like Dr. Jauhar’s decision to confess his unethical behavior and make amends by writing this book. People do stray from their authentic paths, and it’s helpful for all of us to read about getting lost, and then, found. RM
What “Prodigal Son” story do you have?
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/20/books/in-doctored-sandeep-jauhar-examines-a-broken-system.html?smprod=nytcore-iphone&smid=nytcore-iphone-share
SUNDAY
When Matthew Quick, author of “Silver Linings Playbook” quit his tenured teaching job to work on a novel in his in-law’s basement, “everyone made (him) feel like (he) was making a huge mistake.” But Quick says, “I felt like I was going to make art or die.” After Quick got a movie deal and a book deal in that order, he says, “It was completely surreal, especially writing a book about silver linings and someone who believes in delusional hope. That’s how people made me feel when I was writing in my basement."
Dirty Lowdown: "I talk to high school students now and tell them when you’re 17 and writing a novel, it’s cute. When you’re 33, people make you feel like you’re committing a crime.”
My take: I remember when I left practicing law in my thirties, my mother wanted me to get a Masters in Education, and teach. But I felt that if I didn’t find something aligned with my heart, I simply would not have the drive to do it. I had lost the stamina to act without heart connection. That was my version of Quick’s “make art or die.” And that was the beginning of my career as a children’s musician. - RM
Have you ever had a “make art or die” moment?
http://www.forbes.com/sites/dorothypomerantz/2012/12/27/silver-linings-playbook-author-matthew-quick-on-hollywood-happy-endings-and-loving-the-eagles/
Kevin Sessums was a six figure Vanity Fair columnist, chumming it up with Heath Ledger, Courtney Love, David Geffen, and Diane von Furstenberg. Then he fell out with Editor Tina Brown and lost his job, resulting in “a long descent into substance abuse, followed by unemployment and a time on food stamps.”
Humiliation Inspiration: “If you are at a place like Vanity Fair, you become identified with it,” he said. Afterward, “you are sort of heartbroken and you have to find an identity that is not based on a job.”
My take: I know what it’s like to use a job, or a profession, as an identity. When I came out to California after graduating from Duke Law, I noticed that I wasn’t able to talk to a woman for more than two and a half minutes before mentioning Duke. 10 years later, I ditched conferences with opposing counsel for ringing suburban doorbells and conferring with birthday party moms who dispatched me to their basements to entertain juvenile guests with my guitar. “This way please,” as one escorted me away from the adult guests. “Bathroom? Yes, there’s one downstairs near the laundry room.” - RM
Did you ever build an identity on a job?
Link to article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/10/fashion/former-vanity-fair-celebrity-journalist-looks-for-a-comeback.html?hp&action=click&pg&version=HpSumSmallMediaHigh&module=second-column-region®ion=top-news&WT.nav=top-news&_r=0
TUESDAY
“How does it feel to be America’s premier blow job queen?”
Monica Lewinsky was asked this question in the middle of 2001 taping for an HBO documentary. In a recent Vanity Fair article, Monica Lewinsky talks about her many humiliations after her affair with President Clinton.
Dirty Lowdown: “If you haven’t figured out who you are, it’s hard not to accept the horrible image of you created by others.”
My take: Minds are attack machines. And anyone who is a stranger to manipulation probably hasn’t spent much time on the planet. Chances are someone has recently called you out, probably someone close, like mom, dad, wife, husband, son, or daughter. So you don’t have to be Monica Lewinsky to know what it’s like to be maligned. Often people just have to blow off steam, and they may not be steeped in Marshall Rosenberg’s method of Nonviolent Communication. So yes, it’s important to figure out who you are so you can slough off what isn’t true, and perhaps find the strength to ‘fess up to what is, and deal with it. The lie about me that I don’t believe anymore is that “I’m not a good person.” Got a lot to learn? Sure. But I know my center, and my view counts too. - RM
What lie about you don’t you believe anymore?
Link to article:
http://www.vanityfair.com/society/2014/06/monica-lewinsky-humiliation-culture
WEDNESDAY
A young woman named Sandra Allen passed out at a music festival, seemingly drunk, humiliating herself in front of her boyfriend, and her family, who accused her of being an alcoholic. Later she found out that she had been “roofied,” drugged by a stranger with Flunitrazepam, also known as the date-rape drug.
Dirty Lowdown: “There are things I would do differently. I would have gone to the hospital . . . . I would have called the (police) and filed a police report. And maybe I would have gotten bold enough to tell my family how much worse they made a terrible event.
My take: What this comes down to is that Sandra would be more honest about what happened to her. Instead of hiding out, she would seek help from medical professionals and the police. But her last regret is the one that sticks with me. She’d level with her family about the judgments they expressed after the incident. Not to punish or humiliate them, but in the interests of intimacy, let them know how she felt. I know that recently, in my marriage, this kind of courage has made a difference. I used to smooth things over so as not to get punished for rocking the boat. But now I’m more likely to tell it like it is – again, not to shame, but to breach a gap.
Have you recently told someone what you really think about something (s)he did? How did it go?
Link to article:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/sandraeallen/i-was-drugged-by-a-stranger
THURSDAY
Kat Kinsmen is a managing editor at CNN. She says, “I can board a plane to vacation solo in a strange city, hold forth on live TV at a moment's notice or speak onstage in front of a crowd of hundreds without many mussed feathers. The notion of leaving the house to get half-and-half for coffee flings me dead into the eye of a panic attack.” Kat misses parties, disappoints friends, and often cannot even summon the courage to explain, because of a condition called “Generalized Anxiety Disorder.”
Dirty Lowdown: “I'm trying to let myself enjoy small pleasures, rather than brace myself for when they might be taken away.”
My take: If my heart is open, almost anything is enjoyable. Recently I went with my wife and daughter to a Renaissance Faire, and when I saw that it was mostly a huge shopping mall of Shakespeare shirts and Rumpelstiltskin shoes, I thought I was in for a dull afternoon. But my wife took interest in a harp player who was performing for 2 or 3 people, and selling her CD’s. I decided to follow and give attention to this woman’s music. As I marveled at Denise’s ability to appreciate people who, in the words of Joni Mitchell, had “never been on (her) TV,” my heart opened, and the harp music touched me deeply. Later that day, I noticed that anything I watched while holding my 11 year old daughter pleased me, even the simplest of entertainments. Appreciating my wife and holding my daughter are catalysts to opening my heart. - RM
What are the catalysts to opening your heart?
Link to article:
http://www.cnn.com/2014/01/08/living/anxiety-coping/
FRIDAY
David Gordon, a novelist, writes that he was “shocked and saddened” when his ex-wife unfriended him on Facebook. “She was angry over my last novel,” he reports in the Opinion pages of the New York Times, “though to my mind, the resemblances to her and me were superficial.” But, to write, Gordon says “is to risk ridicule and shame.”
Dirty Lowdown: “. . . there is a need to generate emotional risk, a sense of imminence, of danger, in order to transmit . . . aliveness to the page.”
My take: A great white shark must move forward to breathe, and figuratively speaking, that goes for me too. I need to continually push my comfort zone and do what calls to me but frightens me. This blog is one of those calls. I chose the domain name “daily humiliation.” I’ve made a commitment to issue these entries daily. Just thinking about such an obligation makes me hold my breath. With a daily blog, every entry threatens humiliation if I fail to use my Prometheus breath to blow it alive. – RM
How have you pushed your comfort zone lately?
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/08/11/writing-is-a-risky-humiliating-endeavor/
SATURDAY
Medical doctor Sandeep Jauhar needed more money to support his family, so he accepted speaking fees from a pharmaceutical company that manufactured a heart medication. Even after the Journal of the American Medical Association expressed safety concerns over the drug, Dr. Jauhar continued to endorse it for months. This humiliating confession and others are in Dr. Jauhar’s new memoir, “Doctored,” reviewed recently in the New York Times.
Dirty Lowdown: Jauhar’s new memoir, “Doctored” appears to be his atonement. In it, he shows why American medicine is in crisis: It can be 10 times more profitable for a doctor to order an unnecessary test than spend 20 or 30 minutes with a patient. Plus, doctors are practicing defensive medicine to guard against malpractice liability. All of this is undermining the doctor-patient relationship.
My take: I like Dr. Jauhar’s decision to confess his unethical behavior and make amends by writing this book. People do stray from their authentic paths, and it’s helpful for all of us to read about getting lost, and then, found. RM
What “Prodigal Son” story do you have?
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/20/books/in-doctored-sandeep-jauhar-examines-a-broken-system.html?smprod=nytcore-iphone&smid=nytcore-iphone-share
SUNDAY
When Matthew Quick, author of “Silver Linings Playbook” quit his tenured teaching job to work on a novel in his in-law’s basement, “everyone made (him) feel like (he) was making a huge mistake.” But Quick says, “I felt like I was going to make art or die.” After Quick got a movie deal and a book deal in that order, he says, “It was completely surreal, especially writing a book about silver linings and someone who believes in delusional hope. That’s how people made me feel when I was writing in my basement."
Dirty Lowdown: "I talk to high school students now and tell them when you’re 17 and writing a novel, it’s cute. When you’re 33, people make you feel like you’re committing a crime.”
My take: I remember when I left practicing law in my thirties, my mother wanted me to get a Masters in Education, and teach. But I felt that if I didn’t find something aligned with my heart, I simply would not have the drive to do it. I had lost the stamina to act without heart connection. That was my version of Quick’s “make art or die.” And that was the beginning of my career as a children’s musician. - RM
Have you ever had a “make art or die” moment?
http://www.forbes.com/sites/dorothypomerantz/2012/12/27/silver-linings-playbook-author-matthew-quick-on-hollywood-happy-endings-and-loving-the-eagles/
